How selfish am I
To think only of myself
When he is the one
Who really suffered
While I only watched
And could do nothing
He kept saying, "I'm sorry"
I am sorry
Sorry I could not
Make you well
Sorry I could not
Lift you out of pain
So cancer took
Another victim
And all I could do
Was watch
Helpless -- even now
I am sending my love
Out and hoping it
Falls near your soul
How selfish am I?
You have gone on a journey
Without me
And we used to do
Everything together
Except this time
I was not able to
Be beside you on the trip
Just part of the way -- for now
©April 2, 2025
Diane E. Dockum
The Laziness of Grief
No one ever told me
How lazy I would be
How loneliness begets
Untidiness
No one ever told me
How the feeling of fear
Not fear itself
Lives in your gut
Some days
I wallow in self-pity
Other days
I push myself too far
No one ever tells you
How the silence
Makes you feel
Slightly concussed
And that sleep
Feels like a warm mud
Sucking you in
Talking myself through
Each day and longer
Evening
I chide myself
I coax myself
Through this stage
Of marriage
This stage of love
©March 30, 2025, Diane E. Dockum
Winter Poem
Crissy-Crossy
Backy-Forthy
Went the tracks
Upon the snow
Gray and bushy
Tails a shaking
Up the trees
And branches go
Deer and dogs
Squirrel and bunny
Skim and scamper
To and fro
Snow is melting
More is coming
Wind and rain
With ice and snow
Busy hooves and
Fuzzy footies
Beating tracks
Across the yard
Dark of night
And new moon coming
Stars and cold
Will freeze it hard.
By Diane E. Dockum
©December 30, 2024
Go Forward
Don’t look back
At least, not today
I know the memories
Drift about your mind
And fill the space behind
Your eyes
But go forward
Not back
You are alive
You have a future
Time
Is always marching on
Diane E. Dockum
©June 8, 2024
You Never Know
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Cardinalis cardinalis
A cardinal came to visit me He brought his little wife His bright red feathers tickled me And brightened up my life I’d been alone for quite some time Was missing you today I watched this little couple Flit about and dance and play It made me smile and shed a tear To see their tufted heads So sweet their partnership was clear Their song from beaks of red Though the rain was coming down They seemed happy as could be And I was thrilled that they had flown And landed in my tree By Diane E. Dockum ©April 25, 2023
Time Melted Away
I passed through town Riding in the passenger seat Of the Dodge And watched the trees Pass by And watched The telephone wires Rise and fall From pole to pole And time melted away Leaving only images Of the time gone by I passed through town Riding on the hard wooden seat Of the carriage And watched the trees Pass by And watched the horses drink From the trough outside The drug store And the lady at the dress shop Arranging her window display Waved as we passed, When my Dad spoke to me And I returned to the seat Of the pick up truck Wondering where I had been By Diane E. Dockum ©April 20, 2023
The Catalogues Have Arrived
To paraphrase Phil From the movie City Slickers If Catalogues were people I'd be China! Something happened When I reached Senior citizen status Each day, catalogues arrive In stacks of colorfully emblazoned Glossy paper, filling my mail box with temptations There are the ones for clothing If you are fat, with arthritis, and can’t fasten buttons Or for when you travel, which I never do There is the hardware store Kind, with whatever works for Whatever kind of household hack you need There are the salves and potion Kind, with subscription-worthy pots Of goop that one absolutely needs There is a little catalogue Narrow, with a tea bag sample That offers countless kinds of tea Jewelry, make-up, razor blades Vibrators, oils, candles Wigs, and toupee catalogues Where did I sign up for this Deluge of paper? Is there somewhere I don't know about Where it's leaking catalogues And if so, can I stick a rag Into that hole? Yet, some days I pick them up And look, just in case I might need something. By Diane E. Dockum ©April 19, 2023
I Am the Ghost
I am the ghost That haunts this house Unfinished things are all about I’m searching for your missing soul The other half of mine is gone I am the presence In this house That drifts from room to room Untethered like a lost balloon With slender thread that dangles down I am a shadow Of myself Imprinting on the empty wall Inspecting places high and low Searching for you everywhere I am the wisp Of mist and pain Following in your wake Grief is love that has no place I dream to see your face. By Diane E. Dockum ©April 18, 2023
This poem was inspired not only by my own grief for my late husband, Dennis, but from a poem by Donna Ashworth entitled You’re the Ghost from her book ‘I Wish I Knew’.
The Rain Has Passed
The rain has passed The wind is cool, it stirs the birdbath water pool Wind-chimes ring a slow sweet song Dancing branches all day long Trees are opening up their leaves Seems like all at once to me Unfurling buds in bright spring green Make the world all new and clean Dandelions with their yellow light Scattered ‘cross the lawn so bright My peaceful Sunday afternoon Wraps me in its warm cocoon Diane E. Dockum © May 15, 2016 Reposted, April 17, 2023
I found a poem I liked from a few years ago. It seemed appropriate for me today, even though it is Monday, not Sunday, and there have not been any Dandelions yet.
I hope you like it too.
Diane
Marble Hill Press 