I remember my dad picking me up from school at lunchtime
I would ride home and he would make me a lunch
Maybe a soup and sandwich 
Tomato and grilled cheese or
Chicken and rice and baloney
Then I would be driven back to school
And dropped off outside the classroom door 
That's when that feeling would hit me
I really didn't want to go back
Once I had been home already
As I stood in the hallway
Outside my kindergarten room
I wondered if I was in the right place
Mostly because I was 5 and it was nap time
And the room had been darkened
And all the cots were out
And I couldn't read Miss Murphy’s name yet 
So I didn't know my dad had left me 
At the correct classroom door
It was all so confusing
That horrible feeling like a slowly swelling
Buzz from my gut and a frozen feeling
Of a heart pounding sense of just how small
I really was 
And just how big the world was
Sometimes I feel that now 
Alone in my house after a busy noisy day
Caring for little children
It starts as a slightly painful tickle in my abdomen
That grows up toward my diaphragm
And into my chest, my jaw
My ears filled with the electrical
Hum of the silence


©April 25, 2025
Diane E. Dockum